I haven’t written in a few months; just haven’t been able to do it. At first I was tempted to say mean things to myself about it like, “You’ve done it again–started something, then let it drop. You’ll never be able to follow through on anything.” But I’ve become facile with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (Revising My Self-Talk), so I quickly reframed the self-condemnation with the truth: “For some reason, I find myself unable to write entries in my blog.” “Not Knowing the Reason”, doesn’t mean there isn’t a very good reason. 🙂
Recently I read something about people who have “drive”; they just seem to be able to push themselves to succeed in anything they do. “Oh!” I thought, “I’m one of the rest of us who don’t have DRIVE.” That doesn’t mean that I can’t succeed at something when I have sufficient motivation, but I’m not one of the Few who feel the need to always be pushing toward a goal. I said, “Oh!” because it hadn’t occurred to me that my character trait of “not having drive” was not a character DEFECT. Only a FEW people have this trait (which, itself, can become a defect if it’s taken out of bounds).
I also said, “Oh!” because I thought my lack of drive came from my chronic physical illness (fibromyalgia) or from my chronic mental illness (depression). Now I can accept that even when I’m well and happy, I don’t feel driven to achieve. That’s okay. It makes me one of the crowd, not the one who’s standing out from the crowd.
So what motivated me to post an entry today? I spent the (slow-starting) morning reading the blogs of others who walk the paths of chronic illness. I decided that I wanted to share some of their posts with you. “I’ll just post a list of other blogs; I don’t have to say anything else.” Apparently, I had some things to share, after all!
Here’s the one I read this morning that I most wanted to share with you all:
When I choose to replace my self-condemnation with acceptance of the truth about myself (without “loaded language”), I’m being KIND to myself.
When I choose to admit my tiredness or frustration with my family instead of yelling at them, I’m being KIND to my family.
When I choose to rest on a low-energy day, or to exercise on a moderate energy day, I’m being KIND to my body.
When I choose to forgive people who speak without understanding of the reality of my illnesses, I’m being KIND to others.
Thanks for listening. It feels good to be back!